Tuesday, 24 April 2007

Life is about the experience, after all...

Ok, Ok! I wrote this last night BEFORE the fitness jeer up, so bear with me.

It appears Karen from Misc Mum has posed another challenge; the HELLO GORGEOUS challenge: Find a picture of oneself that one is happy with, and tell the story around it... pretty much.

Initially, I doubted I could fulfill this challenge. I haven't exactly been able to find my "happy place" for a while, and sifting through the photos I have on file, well there weren't really a whole lot of pictures of me in there, and of the few there were, they were GOD AWFUL; talk about a miserable looking so and so. Even a photo that was taken only two weeks ago, terrible! I looked tired, frumpy, washed out, pale, as if Dracula had sucked the life out of me, AND I appeared to have aged about ten years over the past two and a half. I didn't realise, but I have literally been wearing the hardships I have endured over the past couple of years, like a rumpled overcoat.

This is one of the few recent pictures I actually like; there are others that are passable, but I don't have a scanner. This one was taken by Ashley in September 2004. We had just taken Ashley out for a Father's Day lunch at the Port Adelaide Football Club in Alberton, South Australia (a dream come true for Ashley). Port won the premiership that year, if I remember correctly.

After the lunch, we took the footy out and went to an empty field and kicked it around. It was a glorious clear blue spring day; warm, with a gentle breeze, which shifted through my hair in just the right way.

I looked tanned and fit, though we were coming out of winter. My hair looks good, not the hacked to death with a machete, birds nest, I sport these days.

I am holding my beautiful six month old daughter, who has been an absolute joy since the moment she drew breath.

I had stuff going on in my life back then. I was finishing up my International Studies Graduate Diploma, and had just started my numerology course. I had a social life, and good friends with whom I would catch up with here and there, for coffee, a chat and/or a walk. Life was sweet. I was pretty happy....so why the bloody hell did I go and trade that in, for:

-No physically available friends
-No social life
-Isolation, all all its forms
-No decent career prospects... at all
-Bugger all sun
-a very limiting financial situation
-a house that should have been bulldozed
-a severely dinged self-esteem?
No wonder I feel like a big fat loser!
I was somewhat depressed after doing the picture paints a thousand words photo comparison "this is then, that is now" style (not recommended). Then I thought about things a bit and realised that I had just started trying to reclaim myself; fitness being the first cab off the sluggish rank, and so I thought I would blog about that instead, thinking I would leave my scornful words to disintegrate into frail moth eaten papery rags that no one would ever read.

Later I re-read to Ashley, what I had written about my photo shock, and it was kind of funny to hear it out loud. In fact, we fell about laughing over my harsh words. So I thought I would share it with you and give myself a few lasting words of encouragement while I am at it, so here goes: "Hello Gorgeous, you have been missing in action for a while, but I hope to see you real soon. You are doing well, mate. Don't worry, you'll get there".


Scotty said...

Nice photo, strauss. The only one I'm really comfortable with is the one that appears against my posts and on my blog; it's only 3 years old but I've never considered myself that photogenic hence, not many photos of me - plenty of the kids, but not me, lol.
So, you're a Port supporter? Or was having lunch there a favour for someone else? :-)
Dunno if you're up to date on the AFL ladder at the moment (or even if you care, lol) but just in case you're interested...

lookee here

Kimberly said...

Definitely not a challenge I'd be up for right now. Mostly because I all but forgot to drink while I was sick this past week and my face looks like it's been inflated. Super puffy!

I can't imagine a gal as pretty as the gal in that picture turning into the wreck you describe.

I get so...so "male" when I hear about people's problems. I just crave the ability to fix them. You're in the Lower Mainland, right? I know hundreds of people there, maybe I can help?

shishyboo said...

you look so serene in that photo, you'll find that again
loved your story (as always) x x x

Tracey said...

I love the 'Dear Gorgeous... missing in action... see you soon' bit. True inspiration!!

Tracey said...

(PS - and I forgot to say I love the photo of you too!)

strauss said...

Thanks everyone I appreciate the comments.
Scotty, Ashley hasn't missed any football or cricket news since we have been here, he just hasn't been able to see any live games. And yes, we are Port supporters :)
Kimberley, perhaps I will post that photo of two weeks ago when I have seen a few improvements in the whole package...hey perhaps in November, as a tribute to the fitness road Tracey and I are taking; that was then this is now - style, hopefully with no adverse affects this time.

Pendullum said...

You look gorgeous in that shot... absolutely stunning....
and you will find yourself again...
and I think it is good to look at it and remind yourself that you are there...you are truly there... and bring yourself out again...it is time...

strauss said...

Thanks Pendullum - bless you.

Muse said...
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Muse said...
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Catherine said...

That is a GREAT picture!! As I'm sure they all are. I think we women are our own worst critics when it comes to physical appearance. While your eyes see tired and frumpy in your more recent photos, I'd probably see a beautiful smile and great hair.

I commend you for taking on Misc Mum's challenge. I'd like to try, but Blogger is giving me fits with posting photos. It's probably for the best. (I see tired and frumpy in most of my photos as well.)

Kathleen said...

We never tend to see ourselves as the world does....our opinions are clouded by what's going on inside us. I think you're goregous...inside and out, and I hope you find the way to feel that way again soon.