Wednesday, 7 February 2007

Tight Grip

I have always held my pen or pencil like it might try to escape from my hand.

So hard and firm is my grip that I literally develop a cramp if I write for too long; such as when I am writing a personal letter to a friend.

Not only is my grip firm, but I also tend to press the writing implement really hard into the page, as if I were trying to make certain that I made an impression, like I sub-consciously feared that my thoughts and words might evaporate or fly away if I didn't secure them tightly enough to the page.

I have a callous on the index finger of my right hand. It has been there forever; more evidence of a too firm grip. I have noticed, when I write, that the tip of my finger is usually white - white from the intense pressure I am applying.

I am mindfully trying not to squeeze the life from the pen I hold. Now-days, I attempt to dance across the page with my pen or pencil, considering it a babe in arms, rather than a knife welding intruder that I must overcome in order to protect myself.

It is hard...old habits die hard.

I constantly have to remind myself to release my grip...relax...allow the words to flow and glide.
Consequently, my writing is not neat. It is legible, but a spidery scrawl of words creeping across the page like a twisted vine, when normally my writing has loomed like a line of dark glum soldiers standing to attention; their boots are shiny, gloves starched, each letter erect, disciplined, obedient....but my well formed words lack character and energy, they have had too many stiffling years behind them.

It is a control thing I think, but this strangle hold takes so much energy, and yet it has yielded so few gains.


jeanie said...

lol - beautiful writing here (by you) - people have often commented that I should be a doctor, given the legibility of my writing!!!

Catherine said...

So much to say! First of all, Strauss, I'm in awe of how prolific you are... the words seem to flow through your tight grip like water! Poetry, sheer poetry. And speaking of poetry, I visited Poetry Thursday and didn't find you... are you there yet? ALSO, I'm so sorry for your husband being away. I totally empathize. I've talked about it in a previous post over at my place, but my husband and I live apart right now and it is TOUGH. I get him on the weekends because his job is primarily in another town. I hate it hate it hate it.
Lastly, if only I were closer to you... I would totally love to babysit your dogs while you go to Disneyland. :)

strauss said...

Both Jeanie and Catherine are wonderful writers, so for anyone reading this - check out their blogs too. They are definitely worth your time.
Thank you Catherine, you are a just the loveliest.
Wow, it must be awfully tough to be away from your beloved so much. I totally understand why you hate the situation. I am thankful that my husband only goes away ocassionally these days.
Oh and my poem link is up on Poetry Thursday now, but I have posted it here too...felt I should wait until it was Thursday.