distracted
I have lost the plot a bit lately, not sure if you all have noticed.
I can't seem to write. I feel totally consumed with the changes taking place in my life right now, the uncertainties are a little overwhelming, although I know I will be back in Oz on the 26th November. The many questions that have no answers, revolve around selling the house, finances and relocation costs, how the dogs will cope in quarantine, Ashley's yet to be determined job, finding a house, stress reduction and family balance, and the all inevitable foggy future.
Getting fit or fitter, seems to be something I can at least control and push ahead with, while everything else seems to have stalled, or is floundering.
My other obsession at the moment; South Australian real estate, seems all consuming. Nightly, I scan the likes of http://www.realestateaustralia.com.au/ and others, searching for something that will likely not ever be. It is only August, and we can not realistically do anything about housing until December anyway, but I can help but look; scanning the pages of houses up for sale; wondering what we might end up in; what is available on the market within our imagined budget. Then there is that vague, yet lingering possibility that we might prefer to build.... but where? Wouldn't that be fun....Wouldn't it? We have even chosen a possible house plan, and yet I keep going back to the real estate pages on the web, viewing floor plans and checking maps to see where these possible places are located - more often than not, these supposed possibilities already have a contract on them before the week is out. Nothing is lasting long on the "for sale" lists, and when it does, I begin to wonder what is wrong with it. I should post some of the shocker interior photos I have stumbled upon - hilarious, although there is always that risk of offending a reader who will comment that their bathroom/living room/kitchen/whatever, looks exactly like that. (oops).
There is always the renovation possibility, but to tell you the truth, we've been there and done that and as rewarding (I suppose) as it was this time around, it has taken us a good two years to get this far, and we aren't wishing to repeat the experience, at least not this soon after this rather traumatic experience. Put it this way, if we were to purchase a house in a similarly hideous state as this bugger was, it will have to be structurally sound and dirt cheap. So that is where I am at at the present moment. I miss my interaction with the softly spoken natural world. I really miss it. I understand that I am driven and focused on a future time, which is not recommended I know....well, a time when the future seems clearer and more certain, or at least when the structures around us have ceased to be beach sand; us attempting to build a castle from it without water - (we seem to have some of what we need in order to make it, but are seriously lacking the crucial elements so our structure fails to take form. I know it will all come together in the end. I am ready for it, raring to go in fact, but at the moment, this lack of clarity is distracting and frustrating, and I long to be settled in a state of calm, once again.
6 comments:
It will come, Strauss - breathe girl, breathe.
The immenseness of your future is indeed overwhelming, so I can only imagine how hard it is to have the "ommm" moments.
Just remember you can only do what you can do - and if you have a handle on those then you are ALLOWED to throw down the reins and enjoy watching your children, create what memories you can create and write one or two line pithy posts saying "not drowning, waving".
Good luck.
Oh, I can totally understand how you are feeling. If I were in your predicament I wouldn't be able to think about anything else. Even tho there wasn't a thing I could be doing at the moment, it would still demand all my focus and attention. And I would be stressed out beyond belief. I am not good at letting go of the things I can't control.
At least you are exercising. That is probably what is keeping you sane! A great stress-buster.
And, as jeanie said: Breathe!
They say that moving house is 'up there' among the most stressful situations you have to deal with in life - and so moving country must REALLY rate. It's no wonder you feel in limbo too... but you honestly sound like you're doing a sterling job of it, despite how you view yourself. To keep a handle on the exercise is such an achievement, and a very wise move. Those endorphins I'm always rattling on about have got to be a good thing. Just imagine how stressed and disconnected you might feel without it!!!
If you're going to get obsessed, Australian real estate sounds pretty darn good to me.
I have missed your writing.
The logisitcs of what you are preparing to do are huge and it sounds like you've got all bases covered. It's only natural to become frustrated and lost in limbo when you've done all you can for the time being and the only thing to do is wait.
All your research on the net for real estate will come in very handy once you're in a position to find your home.
Hang in there, email for a chat if you need to x x x
When I first read this post two weeks ago it made me feel some kinship to you, Strauss. I, too, am in a state of distraction. Not from the prospect of moving across the globe like you (still amazed at that prospect), but from being pulled in so many directions that I just want to burrow down and hibernate. Anyway, for what it's worth, I don't think your writing suffers in your distraction. You maintain and I admire you for that.
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