Monday, 23 April 2007

Fitness Update

Since I made the grand announcement, the other week, about getting fit and joining Curves, I have been rather secretive and silent about the whole thing...that would normally indicate I had done bugger all about it, and was hoping you might all forget that I ever mentioned it...yeah.

Considering the low opinion I have of myself, that is exactly why I didn't mention it before now, but surprise, surprise, I have actually kept up my deal with the devil (the devil being me) and have attended Curves regularly and diligently over the past two weeks.

The first week, I attended four times in a week. The second week, I attended three times and added a Nordic Walk venture to the mix, since it was the first week of the Spring sessions.

And you know, I am starting to feel the benefits. I can feel that this exercise thing is doing me some good - not Lycra good (we may never get to that point), but good all the same. The exercise is even helping my mood. I feel like I am kind of clawing my way out of the dark and dreary doldrums. There is even a spring in my step, and an absence of "the snarly grump" (also me).

Imagine if I saw this thing through until November and even beyon. How much better perpared might I feel, when the dark abyss of winter begins to cast is gloomy shadow over the landscape? O-Oh, I can feel some hopes getting up a little too high, some unrealistic expectations creeping in ...I better get back into my box now and pretend I haven't noticed the changes...

I will present another update in two weeks.

Friday, 20 April 2007

Like thistle spores in the wind....

Rooted.....hmmm, an unfortunate word within the Australian vocabulary. I won't explain it, but the Aussies among us will understand.....

"Roots", of course has other connotations, neither vulgar nor offensive, and it is within this context, that the dear folk at Sunday Scribblings have proposed the word "Rooted", along with its contextual variants, for this weeks writing prompt.

Actually, I really would like to feel "rooted". I haven't felt rooted in a really long while...ten years, in fact. Please allow me to explain.....

My husband works away a lot. The company for which he works, runs its operations internationally, for the most part. As the company grows, so too is the need for positions in new regions. Most of the time he is told, with little notice, that he is to be sent to such and such a base in Whoop Whoop for X number of weeks. We could live with that arrangement, that is the way of the world, according to his particular line of work.

A couple of times though, he has been told, that he was to move permanently to another country, to run a base. Twice this has happened. Twice our world was rocked by such scenarios. Twice it fell through at the eleventh hour, leaving us writhing, depleted, and clutching for something hidden in the nothingness; a strange feeling, especially given that nothing fundamental seemed to have really changed, at all.

Rootedness is a state of mind, but it is also wrapped up in issues concerning identity, belonging and ones sense of stability. One's culture and country, along with the memories connected to those concepts, are generally things that remains firm, sturdy and steadfast, in ones life. That being said, I know this is not the case for all. I have worked with enough refugees and immigrants, to know that country is really just as impermanent as everything else in this life, but for the most part, it is the most enduring and stable of the things and ideas that sway and teeter precariously in our lives. A sense of home is essential to rootedness, birth country or not...we all must feel we belong somewhere.

In 1997 we were told we were going to Myanmar (Burma). We had no choice. I have nothing against the place, but I had just started a path of higher education. Education, at that point in my life, was akin to an inner calling; one that was more to do with healing, than simply learning stuff. Needless to say, the decision to journey down that undulating educational road was not made lightly, so the possibility of abandoning such dreams was thwart with much nonsensical angst. My head was filled with questions, "why now, when this education journey felt so right?" These questions led me on to another path, such as wondering about opportunity, and ideas about that which lays in wait for us in Myanmar; "what if we were MEANT to be there".
The deal eventually fell through, but the process made me question my studies, interests and focus, resulting in me ditching my ambiguously defined Arts degree; two years in, and commencing a Social Work degree instead; a four year commitment.

The first year of my SW degree was fantastic, and I met a wonderful friend at the new university, who I now consider one of my soul sisters. At the end of that first year, the company Ashley worked for, suffered a major contractual blow and laid off a large number of people as a result. Ashley's position vanished from under his feet and he was told the only position for him, within the company, was in Thailand...we had the weekend to think about it, though it was hardly a decision really, it was a forced situation.

For months we made hasty logistical arrangements to leave; letting go of certain things around us. Suddenly, the life we had always known, could not feature within our immediate plans, and we had to try to imagine a different reality.

After four months, and no word of exactly when we were leaving, we were told, once again, "the deal was off", while initially relieved - this degree thing felt constantly under-threat - the company had a dilemma on their hands - what to do with Ashley. This type of uncertainty carried on for a year, resulting in an inability to plan ANYTHING, for we were assured we were being shipped off "somewhere", just as soon as a position became available. It was a most unsettling time, with out lives feeling stagnant and stalled.

In the end, Ashley was re-titled back into the same job that had been made redundant a year before. The same job Ashley had been doing the entire year, in an unofficial capacity. Once again, nothing changed...but I did.

The energy that swirled during that time, uprooted me. I had spent such a long time floating, like a thistle spore in the wind, that I just wanted the breeze to carry me where I needed to go, and lay me down gently on a new patch of fertile earth. I guess I was yearning for the energy that had so violently uprooted me, to run full circle, but I would have to wait another 6 more years for that part in the process to take place.

When the opportunity arose, we applied to move permanently with the company, to Canada; and in doing so, the proverbial monkey was off our backs. I think our little corner of Canada is beautiful. Daily, I stand in awe of my surroundings: the mountains, the islands, the greenery, the water, the animals, but as enchanting as it is here, it actually feels like we are just on one really long holiday. We have no family here. The politics of this country are foreign to me, although I have tried to get into it, the background of the issues are missing, and so I largely feel ignorant to it all. My friends are in Australia, and they are creating lives and families of their own. A dear, dear friend of mine rang tonight, to tell me she had her baby - a healthy boy, her first. I can't believe that I am here, missing such a momentous event. She was the first of my visitors for each of my children, and yet, I am not there, for her glorious moment. Hey, I can't even get into hockey for Gods sake, and it is THE PLAYOFFS (go Canucks!) See, even THAT wasn't convincing. My husband has been terribly homesick; pining for his Aussie rules football and his cricket (yawn). As for me, I am not really pining for anything, other than people.

For me, becoming uprooted was emotionally painful. It could be likened to a young child being ripped from the arms of a panic stricken mother, and never feeling the enveloping reassurance of her loving embrace again. It is difficult to give in and trust being touched the same way, since it felt so traumatic to be plucked from the soil of ones own sense of self, the first time around.

It would be nice to settle and embed oneself whole heartedly into the process of building a life. I seriously want to shout at myself - "for God's sake, GET ROOTED! "

Thursday, 19 April 2007

Poetry Thursday - the one where I am too chicken

I am a reclusive type of person. In fact, it took me nearly 20 years to pluck up the courage and reveal my poems to anyone. While I present them here, at Poetry Thursday, I have only done so since Februray 2007. It was a daunting proposition, at first, but everyone has been so supportive in their commentary, that I feel gamer in sharing my writings, but to under take this weeks prompt was a little too much, too soon for me. Yep, I am a piker and I sincerely apologise.

Instead of this weeks totally optional idea, I have opted to share a poem I wrote earlier in the week, for the NaPoWriMo prompt "Bluff".

The Bluff
The Bluff stands tall;
Rising like an ancient warrior
From fertile coastal plains.
Proud and sturdy
Against the tumultuous sea.

The stoic Bluff;
Bearer of unrelenting lashings
Vicious attacks
From angry waters churning below
They strike hard against unyielding granite footings.

The south wind thrusts
Its merciless breath
Tousling squat grasses
And wild geraniums
Trembling in the scraping gale.

Summit yearnings
Require fortitude
But jubilation awaits the brave
And unsurpassed seascapes
Transfix initially reluctant ramblers.

Encounter Bay curves gently, to the east
A sandy beach hugs the coastline,
Like lemon frosting on a delectable cake;
The white teeth of broken waves
Bite hungrily into the shoreline.

With disciplined eyes
One can trace the edge of the world
Until far-flung sea mists
Blur the horizon
Blending land, sea and sky, into one.

There is nothing south of The Bluff
But a million miles of sea
And eventually ice.
The Bluff is enduring.
The Bluff stands tall.

© Strauss
14th April 2007

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

Little Black Box - NaPoWriMo Prompt - Tick Tock

This poem is being submitted for Poetry Thursday's NaPoWriMo April Daily Prompts. Today's prompt has been posted as Tick Tock.



There’s a little black box that sits in the shadows
It harbours hearts in there.
One is swollen past bursting point,
The other, is in for repair.

The little black box bears a gold design
Of filigree hearts and flowers,
And a gold faced clock mounted onto the lid
That silently counts down the hours.

There's a little black box that sits in the shadows-
This box you gave to me.
You told me to care for its precious contents,
Then you slipped me a golden key.

I opened the little black box one day,
And saw the paired hearts resting there
While the swollen one beat without failure or strain,
The other lay limp with a tear.

So I laid some flowers next to the hearts,
And locked the lid tight with the key.
I wound the gold clock on top of the lid,
Knowing time would set them both free.

© Strauss
17/04/06

Tuesday, 17 April 2007

Reincarnation options.

A dear Aussie friend came for a visit over the weekend. She has kids, we have kids, so we planned to meet at the Vancouver Aquarium. It was so great to see her. She moved to Canada soon after we did, but lives in another province. Although it had been almost two years since I had seen her, it felt like I had only seen her yesterday, and we fell back into that lovely comfortable mode of being, that one is able to, when in the presence of a true, and much loved friend.

We shared a lovely day together, and got to chatting about all sorts of things. We were looking at the playful otters spinning and turning in the water, when my friend smiled and said, "Oh! I love otters. I'd love to come back as an otter". I so enjoyed her statement, and began watching the otters from an entirely different perspective.

They were gliding through the water with boundless energy and such grace. Their mesmerising swirling rhythm, made me feel that I were witnessing some kind of aquatic ballet. Indeed, to be as graceful, full of life and playful as an otter would be a marvellous life, and so my friend's utterance, made me wonder what I might like to come back as, should there ever be that kind of opportunity.

We were looking at the fish in the large Pacific Canada tank; fish with cold bulging eyes peering into the dark, murky depths and sour, down-turned mouths. The fish glided through the water with such defeated looks, starring back with a disdain for life, quite unaware that they were some of the rock stars of the marine world, as we mere humans had arrived in droves for an opportunity to ogle closely at them.

We concluded however, that they looked rather like grumpy old men and women, and should they speak, not a kind word would they have to say. They did indeed appear like they had tasted something bitter...perhaps they had - what with all the polluted streams, oceans and waterways, not to mention the hook stabs in the mouth they might have received, and there is the old, being plucked from their natural habitat and familiar surroundings to consider - I might look a bit bitter myself, if I had to endure all of that.

Of course, there are many kinds of fish, the variety we were observing at the time, were perhaps among the less fortunate in the fishy looks department, just as there are such individuals among the human kind (I for one, will not be looking into any mirrors during this discussion!).

The Beluga Whales were beautiful. I love their gentle faces, but they live in arctic waters, which quite frankly, doesn't appeal to me in the slightest.

The Beluga are white, like fresh fallen snow, which makes perfect sense in an environment bobbing with icebergs, but if I were a Beluga with a preference for much warmer waters, then I think I would indeed stand out more so than a pimple on a debutante's dial. I could chose to holiday in the tropics, where the beach sands were luminous white, then I might blend in....although a beached whale is never a good sign, and a good dose of sunburn on my lilly white skin would throw the the cobblers on the entire plan. However, if I, as a Beluga, thought ahead, and invested in a couple of large barrels of zinc cream to smear over the entirely of my being, then I should be alright, but since I belong in the frigid waters of the Arctic, why would I? Life of a tropics seeking Beluga was starting to sound far too complicated.

How about a dolphin? Everyone loves them. My daughter certainly delighted in their thrilling acrobatics; their leaping and their diving. Dolphins have such a likable reputation and admirable social willingness. They are noted with mystical reference and are often considered protectors; alarming surfers of sharks, lurking in their midst.

Well, I am not really noted for my extrovert behaviour, and it is a little degrading that I would have to perform tricks for a smackrel of fish. What if I were not in the mood for tricks and games? What if I just wanted to laze around on an off day, and attempt to curl up on the sea floor somewhere and be lulled to sleep by the muffled sounds of the deep? I don't think the crowds would really appreciate an introverted, sometimes depressed dolphin - no fishy treats for me. I guess I wouldn't have a weight problem to obsess over....

A gull landed on the ground before me, while I was being swept away in adventures of life as a dolphin reincarnate. The gull was not part of the aquarium exhibits. A gull is the ultimate gate crasher, although this gull's presence largely went unnoticed.

The gull was enjoying the dolphin show and didn't even have to pay, and even though the gull is essentially an animal of the marine world, living life on the sea breezes and dining on fish, the gull was not required to perform, nor was the gull trapped within the bounds of an exhibit or tank. The gull was free to fly out to more interesting surrounds, when ever he felt compelled to do so, and he could choose a variety of activities in which to amuse himself. Such as diving into the water in search of a hearty fresh meal. Resting upon the land; snuggling away from the icy gales, and searching for sea treasures hiding in the rocks, or allowing his leathery feet to sink into the soft sand. A gull can glide on a carpet of salty air, spy life from above, or play tag with other gulls. That certainly sounds like a charmed life to me.

In retrospect, my friend wasn't thinking only of the animals within the confines of the Vancouver Aquarium, and neither was I, but it was fun to imagine life as one of those marine creatures - but in all seriousness, I think I really would like to come back as a bird...a sea bird, preferably one that takes flight.

Monday, 16 April 2007

The Empress

Last week we took the ferry over to Vancouver Island for a day trip. We have lived here, in Greater Vancouver, for almost two years, and had not yet ventured to those sweet corners of the province. In fact, there are many islands one might chose to sail to; Vancouver Island being the biggest, and also the home of Victoria, the capital city of British Columbia.

It was unfortunate that we had so little time to spend over there. The Island is such a lengthy beast; quiet worthy of a good weeks stay in fact. It is also a rather diverse region, with its snow capped mountains, and beachside resorts and surf. It sure was pretty over there….

Victoria is a lovely city, with some beautiful old buildings along the coast. A stroll along Inner Harbour made for a pleasant afternoon in the spring sunshine. The mild conditions drew a lively bunch of people, and also artisans, who set up shop along the seawall, in order to sell their wares. A brass band serenaded our dreamy meanderings, while a variety of tiny boats, water taxis and sea planes busily darted in and out of the quay, like worker bees diligently delivering nectar to the hive.

We had a lovely lunch at the Wharfside, which gave us a spectacular view of the water activity below. The restaurant had an elegant nostalgic feel about it; golden wood trim shining and preserved under several layers of lacquer; high ceilings with exposed beams; distressed works of art, which could only really suit a place like that, and grand lighting. The entire place carried a nice balance of warm rustic charm meets style.

We enjoyed a spot of gallery hopping after lunch. There were many to choose from. I really loved the works of EJ Hughes. Apparently he only passed away this year, but his paintings really captured BC coastal living, to a tee.

I think however, in my very humble, inexperienced and highly unqualified opinion; I would have to say that the ruby in the city of Victoria’s glittering crown would have to be the exquisite Empress Hotel, which was built a century ago.

The Empress is so exquisitely regal and romantic, one can not help but feel transported to another time, perhaps the roaring 1920’s, when the western world was awash with cash and excessive displays of extravagance were the name of the game, for those who were able.

The dining rooms alone are enough to make most people gasp, and of course, The Empress is famous for its Afternoon Te, an activity most who chose to indulge, are only ever likely to do once for the experience, because at around $50 per head for a pot of tea, chantilly cream, teeny cakes and cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off, well it is pretty steep. It goes without saying, we didn’t indulge; rather, we wandered those hallowed Empress halls; traipsed muddy footprints over its fine carpets; blotted the lacquered finishes with our grotty fingerprints and rumpled the upholstery, just like thousands of other sticky-beaked visitors, had done before us – an activity that is entirely cost-free.

The Empress really was an awe-inspiring experience. How enchanting to be surrounded by her…I didn’t want to leave. Just being in her presence made one feel proud in oneself, and I began to wonder if I should perhaps find employment in such an establishment, so I could envelop myself in such romanticism, on a daily basis. I even dared allow myself to daydream on that possibility, as we shuffled through the room where 50 or so people were enjoying Afternoon Te.

I imagined myself, a waiter dressed in the obligatory tailored white coat uniform and black trousers; the politeness in my voice, as I willingly served my seated patrons, and the fine culinary props I would present before them, to ensure the Empress experience really was one that would live on in memory, for decades to come.

I looked around at all the proud people nibbling on sweet pastries and taking dainty sips of tea through pursed lips. They poured the steaming amber liquid into faultless, beautifully patterned china tea cups, while being ever so careful they not spill a drop and soil the starched white tablecloth beneath. Conservatively dressed women, sat tall, giggling and haw-hawing behind manicured hands, at an irrelevant tid-bit, offered by a stuffy old fellow, bearing an unsightly chime of sandwich crumbs stuck in his otherwise neat moustache.

Immersing myself in the scene, I did begin to wonder, whether being a servant in such an establishment, I might eventually come to resent The Empress, her uppity crowds and emphasis on perfection; such majesty tends to draw and inspire the proud, along with the arrogant, and I could only imagine the ways some of the various staff may have been mistreated, disrespected and even dehumanised, over the years.

There must be balance in all things. It is therefore, little wonder that The Empress; with her extravagant detail and beauty, might expose some of the more ugly examples of human behaviour, and the superficialities present within individual personalities, and so I resigned myself from The Empresses employ, before the imaginary ink had dried on my imaginary employment application; preferring instead, that her rare stateliness linger longer in my heart, rather than taint her memory through an exchange of disappointed energies, blood, sweat and tears.

Thursday, 12 April 2007

Poetry Thursday : Part 2

I would like to thank Brian for offering his line to this weeks Poetry Thursday prompt, the one with all the rules II, his line under endless skies she wore white. This is what his line inspired from me.

Vapour maiden
To the tilting sway of ocean lullabies,
He stood aloft his creaking vessel.

Immersed in maritime harmonies,
And the rhythm of cresting waves;
Hushed, like a babe in tender arms.

He waited for her at the bow;
Patient like a returning soldier's lover.
His eyes scoured the heavens
And panned the entirety of a lavender horizon,
Until she revealed her form.

Light reflections
And atmospheric mood
Determine her appearance;
But today,
Under endless skies she wore white.

A mass of rumpled petticoats
Spill from under her skirts.
They billow with the memory of sweet promises;
Revealing themselves as silver threads
Embroidered into the hem.

A crown of sunbeams strain through soft tresses;
Cirrus wisps trailing behind her.
But with eyes cast down,
She appeared despondent,
For a vapour maiden's life is fleeting.

He gazed upon his illusive vision
Until her windswept fate overcame her,
Smearing her luminous features,
And swallowing her subtle radiance
And gentle form.

Her vanishing breaks the spell cast over him.
Their brief interlude is a window to Her world;
A world where the sea meets the sky at the horizon;
And should he choose to follow her,
A vapour maiden, who will lead him safely home.

© Strauss
11th April 2007